Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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