I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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