why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
