i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
