I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
