I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I party with great urgency now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
