does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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