if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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