Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
