Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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