Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
