Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize