Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
