My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
