my vag is so smooth its legendary
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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