i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
