dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
