Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
