i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Randomize
