Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
