when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
