they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i've created a new STD.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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