I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
