I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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