turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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