So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The best revenge is premature balding
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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