I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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