Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
