Got a toothbrush?
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
