belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
