I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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