I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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