Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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