I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
