he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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