do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
