I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
