I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
