you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I AM VODKA MAN
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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