new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
