You're my little dorito
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
