How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
