Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
