I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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