Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
