someone threw a dead crab at me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
