My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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