i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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