dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
