Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
