You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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