ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
