need another drink. this is the easiest way
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
