I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
