I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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