imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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