Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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