vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
