also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize