After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
