Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
