We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Shame is for Republicans.
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