when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
