Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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