You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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