Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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