So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
