When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
