I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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