Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
