i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
