I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
