i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want to make out with him forever
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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