I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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