don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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