he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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