He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
