He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize