I just pynch a tree in the face
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
