Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
