I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
