trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
