oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
