Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
