Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
