Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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