I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
