I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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