My room smells like vodka and shame
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
