as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
