I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Randomize
