Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
