all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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