Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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