she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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