We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize