I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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