When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
